Monday, April 3, 2017

How Having My House Painted Made Me Thankful I'm Married

We had been wanting to paint the exterior of our old farmhouse ever since we moved in a year and a half ago.  A few months ago, we finally bit the bullet and did it!   I am very happy with the results, it is much brighter and has a more modern feel.  There is still a long list of improvements we want to accomplish (removing the random witch's cauldron from front yard is one of them), but little by little we are making this house our home.
  

In dealing with the painter and his lack of communication, I felt like I could have been filming a bizarre, twisted scene for He's Just Not That Into You.  I love my painter.  He did a great job.  But, I am very thankful that this was just a business transaction and not a relationship because I think I would have gone insane if my dealings with him lasted longer then a few weeks.


Much like the guy you like, who is...well...just not that into you, he would string me along.  He would tell me he is almost ready to paint my house, but he's not one to put anything on the calendar or commit to a date.  He would give me a little glimmer of hope that my house would be next, but then I'd wait, and wait, and wait...no phone calls....no texts.  In an effort to avoid seeming too needy, I would try my best to restrain from contacting him too often, and when I did actually get to speak with him, I'd try to avoid asking too many questions for fear of possibly scaring him away.  He randomly stopped by one day, to assess the paint situation and determine how many gallons he would need.  I got very excited that we MUST be the next house in line....but then crickets chirped...for another 3 weeks.  I want him to WANT to paint my house.  Is that too much to ask?  

I'd anxiously await his call, sometimes even losing sleep over wondering if I had missed his call, or maybe the cell phone tower was down, or did I accidentally flip that tiny red button on the side of the phone that turns it into "do not disturb" mode?  It must be something I have done because he SAID he would call.  

Finally, my day has come.  I am feeling very validated when he pulls up in his dusty white van with 3 or 4 long ladders hanging off the top.  He tapes off all of the trim, and covers the windows and doors with plastic wrap and paper.  He starts to paint!  This is a good day.  I am rejoicing in the fact that I will have a freshly painted house in 2-3 days (the time estimate he had previously given me).  

He completes his first day of prepping/painting and things are good.  He said he would come back tomorrow (Saturday) morning at 8:00 am.  He really wants to get this project finished, so he is working weekends.  Great!  I am looking forward to seeing him bright and early.  I even wake up early to make sure that I'm not sleeping incase he needs to get into the garage or access another part of the house.  Knowing he said he would be there at 8:00, I get up an hour earlier, on a Saturday, just to be sure I am ready when he arrives.  8:00 comes and goes.  9:00 comes and goes.  10:00...finally I see the dusty white van coming up the drive. Man, I guess his alarm clock didn't go off this morning because I KNOW something out of his control must have happened for him to not keep his word.  At this point, I don't even care.  I am just glad to see his face.

Half way into day 2 he has to stop.  Apparently there is some sort of paint emergency at another person's house and he must go tend to this issue.  In an effort to be a "cool" customer, I said no problem and waved real big as he pulled out of the driveway.  He said he would be back tomorrow unless it rains, so that's perfect because it's not supposed to rain.  See you tomorrow painter.

His definition of rain must be completely different then my definition of rain, and Webster's definition for that matter.  Light sprinkles in the wee hours of the morning, followed by a beautiful, sunny day are apparently not ideal painting circumstances.  I have to assume this since he didn't show up.  Or call.  Or text.

It's now Monday morning, and since he didn't show up yesterday, I am keeping my fingers crossed he will be there today.  9:00 comes and goes.  No painter.  10:00 comes and goes.  No painter.  Finally, at 10:30, I am willing to lose a few points from my cool customer score and text him, "Good morning!  Are you coming to my house today? (emoji smiley face)"  

What's that?  You can't come back for how long?  You have other jobs you need to finish before you come back to my house?  Is this for REAL?  Was it something I did?  Was it something I said?

So, now we are sitting in a half painted house, all of the windows and doors are covered with plastic and paper.  My husband is feeling claustrophobic because he can't see out.  We are tripping out the door over the paper that he has taped up and left.  My dogs have eaten a good portion of the coverings on the front porch.  Do I lose it on him and risk him leaving us with a half painted house?  I try to keep my cool, but I have to nail him down on a date.  I NEED a date on the calendar.  I NEED to know WHEN you will be back.  I have lost my cool and become a very needy customer.  He agrees to Friday.  Ok.  I'll see you Friday.  I hope.

Honestly, I wasn't expecting to see him Friday.  After this roller coaster of broken promises and unanswered phone calls, I just assumed Friday would come and go like so many other days.  But this time he surprised me.  He kept his word and showed up first thing that morning.  My fears of being stood up were lifted!  He painted his ass off all day Friday, and then he did something that really shocked me to the core.  He showed up on Saturday to finish the job!  Alas!  I had a painted house!  I felt like I had won the lottery. 

So, thank you painter.  Thank you for doing an excellent job on my house.  But mostly, thank you for making me realize how wonderful it is to be married to someone I love.  Because at 38 years old, I don't think I could handle all of the mental and emotional rollercoaster drama that comes with dating if it's anything like trying to schedule you to come paint my house.

I also realize why this man is divorced.  


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